Saturday, August 27, 2005

Bye-bye, goodbye I tried

My Dearest Meskeena,

You and I have spent a lot of happy times together and it is with a heavy heart that I must tell you the following news. We are done. I am moving on. I know, I know, we have been through so much. However, I have found another and I need to let you go.

Please don't cry. You have to remember that our whole relationship has been a series of ups and downs. When we first started together I wasn't very happy. You were not the model that I wanted, and you sure as hell were not the color that I wanted. But, I was able to look past your displeasing exterior and consider what you could offer us as a team. You had just gotten out of another relationship, so I focused on what everyone was telling me was your best asset, reliability. I gave you a fancy Berber name, introduced you to my family and friends, and we were off.

Those first few years were probably our best. We went everywhere together. I took you back to school in South Carolina where you escorted my friends and me everywhere. Charleston, Savannah, Florida, North Carolina, you name it we went there. You were even there with me after a long weekend in Memphis when we were pulled over for doing 90 by Officer Randy Huckbee of the Tennessee State Police. You stayed strong when he approached the car and mocked our home state, "MATTA-CHOO-DETTS, did I say dat right?" You didn't react because you knew that our home state was superior. I wanted to drive over his foot, but you were wiser and did not let me. You are a good woman.

You continued to be strong despite all of our moves, back to Amherst, to Brockton, and eventually here to Virginia. But it has been here in Virginia where our relationship took its downward spiral. To start of with, it was not really your fault, that jackhole who rear ended us in SE and the drove away is really to blame. He left you beaten and bruised so bad that from the back, with your lights popped out, you kind of looked like you had wings. I still didn't care. I literally taped you back together and you still drove like a pro. But then something changed. I think perhaps you were ashamed of your haggard appearance and your behavior was your way of showing me. First it was the overheating. Not cool, especially in a snow storm. Then your transmission started slipping on me. It was also about this time that your interior flooded every time it rained. During the summer months the inside of the car turned into a sauna, while in the winter the windows would frost on the inside. Since your heat barely worked I had to use an ice scraper on the inside of the car, redefining the term ghetto fabulous.

Last year when I pumped some life back in you, it looked like we were going to make it. Dave and his Dad gave you new breaks, then they banged out your rear with a sledgehammer and put your lights back in. They even fixed your transmission. No more duct tape and we were like newlyweds again. However, it was short lived. Again you were acting up. I could not take it anymore and searched for alternatives. On Thursday, when I was getting ready to take you to the dealer to look for a new car, I think that you knew something was wrong. We went through our routine of loading you up with a few gallons of water so you don't loose your cool on the road. Then, at our first stop just a block away, you let it all go. You dropped all your water, essentailly peeing on the street. I was embarassed, but I knew that this was really the end. I could not handle you behaving like a child in public. It made my decision a lot easier.

So, it is done. I have already entered into a new relationship. My new partner has things that you could never offer me, like air conditioning and heat. It also has a system that will not let me lock my keys in the car, and we both know how important that is. Granted you have a V6 and that is something I will miss, but the new guy does not have rust stains on the hood shaped like the seven continents.

So Goodbye. I will look back on our time together with joy. I wish I could say that I will miss you, but do you see your replacement? It has no name, but it sure is smokin'!



Houseboy said...


You were good to me too. I will miss you. Let's only hope the new car melts snow extraordinarily too. That should save me some time scoring points with your owner.

Houseboy said...

Should read "melts snow extraordinarily as well". Thanks MLB.

number4of5 said...


You have already scored more than enough points. Thank you for cleaning my car off when it snowed, and thank you for not caring when I didn't even notice. I thought it melted, what can I say?