Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Like a bug in a spider web




Being at Fenway this past weekend only solidified my baseball angst. No "cheer now" bullshit, no one not paying attention to the game, no cotton eyed joe, and no dumb ass entertain the masses crap. Just pure baseball. I love it. I am writing that manual damn it, you just wait. I was able to come up with a whole new chapter on Friday. It is titled "Peek-a-boo" and describes how women should either, A- pull up their damn pants, B- not wear a thong jacked up their ass crack, specifally pink ruffle thongs that have no business on a woman nevermind an orka, or C- wear a shirt that covers said ass crack loving thong. These rules should be followed in all of society, but most ecspecially when you know you will be getting up and down repeatedly to let people into your row.

I learned several new things at home this past week.
- Getting a 2 year old in and out of a bathing suit and a wet suit before she pees on you is a lot more challenging than you might think.
- Hearing that same two year old tell you that she loves you is one of the best feelings in the world.
- Niko makes a mean chocolate chip pancake.
- Watching Sox games in HD is unreal. You can actually identify people in the crowd.
- I make better time on the road than Dave does. BrockVegas to NYC in 3 hours is no joke. It is a simple equation, drinking less=having to pee less=less stops=getting home faster.
- Be careful what you say about creeps on escalators who are trying to climb on your back, your sister might know them.
- Tim Horton's is no Dunkin' Donuts
- Watching someone lick dingleberries off of an Ox is disgusting and will make you almost vomit.
- My beach, OK our beach, is the best beach in the world.
- I still miss all you crazy Massholes.

At least I get Tim in a few weeks!!!

Word.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

my dear ayatollah,

you are, as ever, blinded by your love of boston. perhaps you didn't notice that the girls in front of us talked the entire game - just their thongs. maybe the man standing in the aisle hitting on said girls and blocking our view for two innings of a tie game was in fact such a serious baseball fan that he needed to supplement his superfan-ness by studying the scoreboard. or perhaps he just couldn't figure out the sitting part of the wave. either way, your enthusiasm is delightful and flawed. i want no battle of cities - for i admit i have no ground upon which to stand. i want only an admission that simply wearing a hat with a "B" does not seat one at the right hand of the baseball gods. oh, and niko does rock.

love ya, mean it.

number4of5 said...

David,

I understand all too well that just because someone wears red sox hat does not mean that they sit at the right hand of the baseball gods. You, however, really have zero ground to stand on because you can't even remember a game that you attended! The World Champion Boston Red Sox were never tied, they led the whole game. You my friend are the one that is blinded. Perhaps those thongs did more damage than we initially thought.

Just remember honey, the Fenway picture is bigger than the RFK picture for a reason.

Love,

The Ayatollah

Anonymous said...

Is 0-0 not a tie game in kooky Red Sox world? Do the Sox have an inherent advantage in such situations? (please don't answer - I can only imagine where you could go with this one)