Tuesday, September 06, 2005

You Can't Spell Cesspool Without the OC

"Ocean City Maryland, where you and your loved ones can take a vacation from decency"

As you know I bought a new car a week and a half ago. This yet to be named car, for which I am taking suggestions, and I have not bonded on the open road. We had some time for a jaunt so we headed towards the beach. I love the ocean. I really love the ocean. Looking at my pale white skin you might find this hard to believe, but nothing makes me happier than a day on the beach. That and lots, and lots, of sunscreen-I'm not getting wrinkles people. My sisters know that one of the worst ways to taunt me, and to give me further reason to move home, is to call me on the way to the beach. Bitches. The patch of ocean sand that my family calls our own is by far my favorite place on this earth. Fenway is a very close second, but my beach is pure heaven. I have been to many other beaches all over New England, all over Florida, California, France, Italy, the Carolinas, and loved most of them, but I have never been to the beach in this area. And after my experience today and yesterday, I am in no rush to go back.

Ocean City is one of those beach towns where it looks like cheesy, sexual innuendo kitsch vomited everywhere. And you can buy it all on sale for $7.99. OK, it wasn't all bad. There was sand and there was ocean, two things I don't have at home. But, that was all it had going for it. It didn't help that the whole time we were there Dave kept saying, "I told you it was bad." Despite the horridness that was crappy boardwalk trinket shops, shamefully lewd bars with names like "Golden Balls Saloon," or the endless stream of mini golf courses, none of it held a candle in comparison to our hotel room. We found what looked like a very nice place right on the beach with a view of the ocean. The building looked well kept, the lobby was very clean and the furniture was not the least bit tacky. Even our room was spotless. Sweet. We went out for dinner, and came back to the room to relax. I had to pee, and was dismayed to find a cockroach in the bathroom when I turned the light on. Gross. There are cockroaches in the bathroom. OK, not showering here. I put my pj's on climbed into bed and tried to relax reading my Real Simple magazine. Love me some Real Simple. All the lights are on in the room at this point. Dave is watching TV when he notices another little friend crawling up the wall. He turns to me to get my attention, and starts saying how nasty it is that the bugs are out with lights on, but he cuts off mid sentence and his eyes just start to get big. I look down and there is a cockroach on the bed, between the blanket and the sheet crawling towards me. Let me repeat that, the was a cockroach on the bed. There was a cockroach on my bed. Aaaagghhh. Within one felt swoop I jump up, scream like bloody hell, and grab the phone to call the front desk to get our money back. I don't remember much of that conversation, but it mostly involved me yelling. There was no way in hell that we were staying there, so at one in the morning we had to go find another hotel. Awful. It is shit like this that makes me hate Maryland so much. I am sure there is something redeeming about the state. I have yet to find it.

I assure you this is not Ocean City:


carolyn said...

A BUG IN THE BED?!?!?!? holy fuck. i think i would have had heart failure. BLECH BLECH BLECH RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!!!!

Numero Uno said...

That is awful! Kind of reminds me of the trip we took to Cleveland one year to see a Patriots playoff game. We left after work on Friday and drove as far as Syracuse before deciding to stop for the night. Julie, Eric and I were in the back seat - We watched Anna and Juan walk to registration....walk to the room....then run out of the room and head back to registration....I remember the description some thing like "not only was the filthy and the bed not made - but there was a roach sunning himself on the hot-plate". Needless to say - we found a different hotel.

number4of5 said...

Gross. Thank God they saw it before you checked in. And on the hot plate of all places. Nasty.

All I kept thinking was "This never would have happened at the Four Seasons!"