Thursday, December 29, 2005

Santa likes me, he really really likes me

I know a lot of people were worried about me based on my last post. I was very worked up about losing Johnny D, but I have resigned myself to the fact that the two headed monster that has become the Boston Red Sox will not have a good year next year. Best that I face it now and just accept our fate, this way I will not be pulling out my hair all year... Yeah, right, this coming from a woman who is in the process of planning her trip to spring training. It is a strange love affair that I maintain, but there is no divorce in sight. My sister is right, I do feel much better after talking to my two and a half year old niece. She now calls Johnny Damon a "bad man." If you ask her why he is a bad man she will tell you "because he is a Yankee." She also knows that Santa did not go to Johnny Damon's house this year. I'm probably going to hell, it's OK.

This past week put me in a much better mood. I had one of my best Christmas holidays to date, except that I totally got Punk'd on Christmas Eve. Every year since I can remember my brother's and sister's have done a secret Santa exchange. We each draw names and buy for only one person instead of having to buy for the whole group. I am convinced this tradition came from my parents not wanting to have to buy a ton of presents for all of us when we were little kids. For them shopping for each kid to buy for all the other kids would have been a nightmare. These days we can rarely all get together to draw the names so my sister's friend Julie, who now lives in Canada, picks for us.

Every Christmas Eve during my parents party we swap presents and let me tell you, the gift swap has taken on a life of it's own. Everybody, involved or not, gets very excited to watch what happens. The gag gifts that have come from our lot are pretty intense. The best ever being the gift my older brother gave my younger brother a few years ago. Tim opened up a very large box that had the word "Fragile" written on the outside of it. Inside there were mounds of shredded paper surrounding a long skinny object. If you have ever seen the movie "A Christmas Story" you can imagine what he found. Inside was a large lamp in the shape of a woman's leg, stalking, high heal and all. The best part was that my family couldn't just laugh at the lamp and move on. We had to put it in the window and go outside to look at it. I even think we were giving someone inside directions for how best it should be centered, just like in the movie. Can you see where I get my insanity people?

This year I had my brother-in-law, NTS, and I bought him what every man wanted for the holidays, R.Kelly's "Trapped in the Closet" Volumes 1-12. I gave him some other stuff, but who can top R.Kelly? I mean really? I gave my gift first, watched everybody else open their gifts, and waited for my turn. It worked out that I was last to get my present and I am not so good on the waiting thing. Well my little brother is the last person to give a gift, so I am waiting for him to reach out and give me my loot. Wrong. I have never seen my brother look so upset before. He starts to get bugged and says that Julie messed up with the names. He says that he was given my sister's name, not mine, so he bought a gift for her. Huh? No present for me? My sister starts jumping up and down "Oooh what did you get me? What did I get?" I am really very bummed that I didn't get anything, but I don't want to make my brother feel worse so I put on a happy face. In the back of my mind I am damning the Canadian and thinking that I should just get my sister's double present. Makes sense right? Too bad she got maternity pants and a baby book, who the hell wants that? So I sat there like a brave soldier and looked around the room at everyone else's gifts with complete envy. I could see that my brother felt like shit so I stayed strong and acted like I didn't care. I even started to think that if he bought my sister such a crappy gift maybe it was best that he gave me nothing.

This went on for a few minutes until he looked at me and started laughing. The whole thing was a set up, from the order the gifts were given, to my sister wrapping up her own maternity pants and my brother pretending to give them to her. And to think that I actually felt sorry for him. Fucker. He did give me some good shit, like a Red Sox Magic 8 Ball and sea monkeys, but he so has it coming to him. Good thing his birthday is next week. It is no holds barred on the pictures people, send them my way. Revenge is sweet my brother, you should be afraid.

2 comments:

she's so blase said...

Whew!!! After your last blog, I was starting to worry about you. I even placed several calls to numbero uno to inquire about your well being. As a loyal, but non-commenting fan, I was really jonesing for your next entry. When I finally read it today, I figured if you can come back after the "Damon Debacle" then I could finally muster up a comment.
I really just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your blog and your photography is nothing short of spectacular. If your profession doesn't include writing, photography or both your in the wrong line of work.
P/S Do you do weddings??

number4of5 said...

The Elephant Maker speaks! Wow, that is the nicest comment I have ever gotten, thank you, really. My head is growing as we speak. I am glad you enjoy the blog, it makes me happy to know that other people like it and this whole thing is not an excercise in self-entertainment. I don't do weddings, but if I could figure out a way to do my own I would. To be fair, the "good" photos get posted here. There are hundreds(literally) that never make the blog, so my abilities are a little skewed in this forum. I have been thinking about doing Christmas cards ever since numero uno suggested it. It could be fun.

Just so you know, in the future, I might need to get people to contact you before they leave a comment so you can teach them how to do it. Would that be OK?