Friday, June 23, 2006

Happy Birthday Houseboy!!!

I can say with great certainty, after 4 years of knowing you, that your most annoying attribute may be how frustratingly photogenic you are. I have hundreds of pictures of you, and even in situations where you should look stupid, you look fine. Now I know your Mom thinks you should be a male model, but not in 10,000 years, or in any alternate universe, is that what I am implying. I am just saying that at times when the exact same photo of me would look like I had a debilitating illness, you look OK. Like here for example:

You should really look like a jackass in this picture, but the big brown turd on your hot dog is the most disconcerting thing about this shot, not your mug.

And here...(the faces of the innocent have been removed)
smiles look silly, you have some bad early nineties hair, but this isn't the type of horrid photo I was going for.

Lastly, even in drag you don't look as bad as you should.

Where did you get that wig?

After thirty years of life on this earth I know there must be embarrassing photos of you out there. Photos that make you cringe in horror, photos that would make your mother deny her role in your birth, photos that belong in my conniving little hands. So friends and family of Dave, I know you are out there with the goods that I so longingly covet. Email me, I will make you an offer you can't refuse.

As for you Mr. got off easy this time around. Consider it a gift.

Now let's go ride some roller coasters to celebrate your birth...


big kahuna said...

No 4 of 5..... are you sure that it's a wig in picture number 3?????????

number4of5 said...

Dad...I am praying to God that it is a wig. If it isn't, I don't want to know about it!

do-re-Me-La said...

The dress is mine - and a darn nice one. As for the wig, well...I deny any knowlege or involvement. Must be some shots somewhere...