Monday, September 18, 2006

If the shoe doesn't fit...

During class tonight a fellow student gave a presentation. I don't know her personally, but she is very put together. She wears more makeup than I plan on having on in my coffin, but she still looks very nice. Not one hair is out of place, her clothes are crisped to perfection, and her french manicure showed no signs of chipping. She is also very well spoken. She studied her subject well, and formed complete and coherent sentences for all to follow along. The problem was, that while I should have been paying attention to the words that were coming out of her mouth I could not take my eyes off of her toes. She wore open toed shoes that were very cute, they had a nice little kitten heel. Even her pedicure was spotless. Her feet showed no major aesthetic or functional deformities, it was just that her big toes were hanging over the front of her shoes. ?!?!?! They didn't just creep over the edge a little, there was actually about an inch or so of toe that carried over the front of the safety of her shoe. I could not look away. I kept thinking about how she had been walking around all day with her bare toe skin touching everything on the ground. Out of her house, to work, to lunch, in anti-freeze puddles, to class, who knows what toxic or bacterial organisms her toes made out with all day? Upon closer inspection, because her toes were the proverbial train wreck, I could see massive dirt and callouses underneath her big toes. This led me to believe that this peeping toe incident was not a one day fluke. She is a repeat offender. Appearances aside for a moment, how can that be comfortable? Good God. I could not look her in the eye without thinking, at what point in the shoe store did you prance up and down the aisle trying on sandals and say "well, my toes may not conform to the traditional boundaries that society has come to expect for the sole of a shoe, but they are on sale, so I'll charge 'em?" So strange. I don't get it, I am just glad that sandal season is almost over, and she will be forced to put those things away.

7 comments:

Lis said...

Hahaha. I'm ashamed to admit this, but I've definitely bought shoes that didn't fit well just because they were on sale. I never had toe overflow though.

number4of5 said...

For those of you who don't know how this whole process works, when someone leaves a comment on the blog, I get an email with the text of the comment. In gmail, you get ads or links next to your messages based on the text. For this comment from Lis, there was a link for "Safety Toe Shoes" in my gmail.

Lis...you have made my day!

Big Kahuna said...

By any wild stretch of the imagination could you tell me what the class was about????? I did not realize you had such a foot fetish.... It has been said that people who's middle toe is longer than all of their other toes are vampiers. What was the status of hers????

number4of5 said...

Dad, I have no idea what class was about. When there is a giant appendage protruding in your line of vision, learning is the least of your worries. This whole thing would be more comforting if she was a vampire, but it was her big toe that was the offender. But driving a stake into her heart might have made me feel better.

carolyn said...

hi-fucking-larious. you crack me up. i too would have been unable to look elsewhere and completely focused on her nasty dirty toes!

number4of5 said...

Carolyn...I felt like I was watching an eclipse. You know you shouldn't look directly at the sun, but it is so fascinating that you can't look away. I also find it interesting that all of this should happen right after I posted a picture of my own feet.

Alfred Kuchinski said...

I used to work in a handbag factory. This was many, many, many years ago. It was an era when shoes and handbags matched. Not so any longer. Also bare legs were a definate NO, NO!
The new fashion log book requires all fashionable ladies to have pedicures. Some flip flops are really nice. Yoo hoo SIGERSON-MORRISON with kitten heels.
I have a foot fetish but if you are going bare...BEWARE!
AL KUCHINSKI