Monday, February 12, 2007

Fun with my gastrointestinal system

Late Friday morning I started to get some cramping in my stomach. I left work early because the only things I was capable of doing at my desk were leaning over, and whining. I came home and took a long nap. Correction, I watched The Breakup, then took a long nap. By about five I still wasn't feeling well, so Dave took me to the doctor again.
Luckily the same doctor who pumped saline the wonder drug into me was there. She started the exam by poking and prodding every single part of my abdominal region. This is so fun, especially when you are having stomach pain. My favorite part was when I had to take in a deep breath, and she pushed in real hard while tapping on my gall bladder. The good news is that my gall bladder is fine. She then eloquently explained, and I quote "women have more internal organs than men." Thank God she went to med school. This was followed by the exciting news that she was going to have to rule out any problems with my girl parts. I can't think of anything more fun that I would rather be doing on a Friday night then having an impromptu pap smear. Can you? So, my girl parts are fine. Then came the blood work. I really hate needles. Lucky for Dave, he was there so I was able to clench down on his arm real hard to deflect any pain I was experiencing. The blood work came back fine, which left the last test of the evening, the X-Ray. This was the highlight of the night because they had the nicest disposable gowns I have ever seen. Seriously. They wrapped all the way around you, with a thick tie in the middle. No parts that weren't supposed to be exposed were going to be exposed. I felt very secure, and when you are wearing nothing but a tiny bit of blue paper in front of a middle aged, male X-Ray tech, you want to feel secure.
By the time the doctor looked at the X-Ray she new what was wrong with me, good old fashioned gas. Yes, all that pain and I get to tell people at work that I left early because of gas. There were half dollar sized pockets of gas all throughout my intestines. The X-Ray was awesome. Picture chains of circles, like a child would draw a caterpillar, all through my insides. It was freaky, but looked so cool. I am really mad at myself for not taking a picture of it, it totally would have been blog worthy.
Turns out that my stomach was just not ready to handle normal food after my illness last week. I had been eating the bland foods they suggested for days, and I was feeling great. Surprisingly, the cheeseburger, fries, beer, and ice cream sundae that I ate on Thursday night was probably not the best idea. In retrospect, well duh! No wonder my stomach hurt, right? But that is a very average meal for me, so I didn't think anything of it at the time. I have never had gas, or any sort of digestive problem before, so eating that meal didn't seem risky. Little did I know that my body was going to backfire on me, and turn my food into little balloons of painful, painful noxious vapor. I altered my diet again and I feel much better. I ate bland baked chicken tonight with cous cous. Not the most exciting thing ever, but I will be able to lay down tonight and not want my insides removed.
It has been an entertaining two weeks with all the great things that are happening to my body. Let's hope that my innards don't want to make this coming week a three-peat.

8 comments:

Big Kahuna said...

Number 4, did you know that the xray is your's. Yes thats right, you can go back to the hospital and get that xray. You could do many things with it such as turning it into a stained glass window or posting it on your blog. Looking forward to seeing it.......

Lis said...

Yes! Get that x-ray, it'd be so cool to see. I guess maybe it'd be a little weird, since we would see your intestines and your future farts... but it'd still be cool. I'm glad you're feeling better. I guess Pete's wouldn't have helped that situation any.

Anonymous said...

You have an xray of an elephant from your Pneumonia days and you certainly could get this xray you speak of but why? You know the reason for the problem and who wants to see captured gas on a blog. Somethings should remain in your mind not in ours. Keep the bland quiet food going and hope for no snow this week.

stuck in the middle said...

After reading this, and the other post about your other illness and then seeing the picture of the calphalon reminded me of when we I was a kid and I would stay down stairs with dad because i was sick he would put one of moms pans on the table next to the couch, just in case on that long trip to the bathroom to drive the porcelan bus, you could not make it, you would have something to catch the projectiles in. Hope you don't do that with your new pans.

stuck in the middle said...

Ohhh yeah by the way the equipment truck left from Fenway today, sunny times

Number 4 of 5 said...

Lis...I think Pete's would have been a really bad idea in the long term, but the short term might be a different story.

M&D...it is clear by these comments which one of you I get my sense of humor about the doctor, and all things questionably gross from. I can't think of anything funnier than posting my intestines on the blog, but I doubt that I will be going back to get the X-Ray, so you are safe Mom. Although it would be really funny...

SIM...Let's just say that the timing of the new pots and pans could not be better. The old ones have served many purposes, I will leave it at that.

Pop Princess said...

Those food allergies again, huh?

carolyn said...

that's nuts dude. don't you hate it when you have immense pain related to NOTHING and then you get an actual serious injury and yet there's nothing blogworthy about it.... :)

hope you're feeling better and not gassy! ha!