Tuesday, April 10, 2007

What not to say to a woman 11 days before her wedding

So, as I sort of alluded to a few posts back, I have been having an ongoing problem with my jeweler. You don't want to hear all of the details, I don't feel like rehashing all of the details, so I will give the basics to get you caught up.
1. Order wedding ring
2. Ring comes in wrong
3. Jeweler promises to fix ring, and needs to hold my engagement ring for measuring purposes. No work is being done on my engagement ring.
4. Me, live several days without my favorite possession in the entire world.
5. Go pick up ring, completely wrong, again.
6. Stay very calm, jeweler agrees to order second ring, and promises, promises me it would be ready by today.
7. Me, live several more days without my favorite possession in the entire world.

This leads us to today. I was planning on heading out to get the wedding ring after work, but called them in the afternoon to confirm that it was ready. I had been dealing with one very nice woman, who was very helpful and apologetic, and knew my whole order history. I called, asked for the very nice, very helpful and apologetic woman, but she was with another customer. I ask the woman on the phone to see if my order was ready for pick up. I gave her my name, and Dave's name, so that she could find the ring. I was on hold for at least 5 minutes. The same woman came back on the phone and says that she cannot find the order for Yates. My name is not Yates. Dave's name is not Yates. I calmly (OK, questionable on the calmly) explain that my name is not Yates. Again, I gave her my name, and Dave's name, so that she can find the ring. Again, I am on hold for more than 5 minutes.

When she gets back on the phone she tells me that my ring will not be ready for a few days. After a very deep, and very calm breath on my part, I explain that 1. I cannot wait a few days for a ring that should have been ready weeks ago 2. I was promised it would be ready today 3. Someone should have called me if the ring wasn't ready today, I was about to drive out there. It is important to note that I know it is not lady-on-the-phone's fault. I tell her that I know it is not her fault. How could this be her fault? I know this, and I am still very, very nice to her. However, I am getting married in a week and a half, so the current direction of the wind is setting me into a tizzy, never mind something as important as the ring I will be wearing on my hand for all of my live long days. I have been fighting the fact that I have been running on 150% pure emotion for the past week or so, but it is unavoidable. I am now embracing it. I am acting like a crazy person, let's all just roll with it.

She could sense my desperation, hell wild gazelle in Africa could sense my desperation at this point. She started to review the work order. Now remember, the wedding band was the wrong size. They were shaving the wedding band to match my engagement ring. As she is reading the work order, she said to me "so it looks like they were shaving the diamond." I am 30 years old. I have lived a full life, experienced many things, on varying levels of joy and displeasure. But today was the first time that I could actually feel my brain pass along the message, first down my spine, then through my chest, then into my lungs, telling them to breath. And I am really thankful that my body is able to cruise into autopilot at moments like this. It took all of my self control to push through my emotion and gather more information. Half of me was saying, "No, she is just reading this wrong, why would anyone ever shave a diamond, this is absurd, bitch is crazy." The other half was saying, "Abort. Abandon ship, mission failure, ignite complete system shutdown." I can honestly tell you that I have no idea what I said to her, not one clue. But I said something. I can't even tell you what she said back to me, because all I was thinking is "WHY WOULD ANYONE SHAVE A DIAMOND!?!?!"

So something happened, I don't know what. She knew I wasn't happy. I do remember telling her several times that my engagement ring was not supposed to be touched. I remember that we both agreed that it would be best if I talked to the very nice, very helpful and apologetic woman. I remember that she told me that the very nice, very helpful and apologetic woman would call me as soon as she was done with the other customer. And then I remember waiting.

I am lucky that I work with some amazing people. My ladies (yes, you ladies) were the only thing that stopped me from throwing my body on the ground and pounding my fists into the earth. As I was facing the prospect of potentially having the most irreplaceable object in my life destroyed, they calmed me. This was no easy task. They even made me feel like I wasn't crazy. Also not an easy task.

To cut to the chase, I finally talked to the very nice, very helpful and apologetic woman. With the keen sense of a tiger, she could also feel my desperation. She assured me, numerous times, and in various ways, that no one touched my engagement ring. She apologized (hence her name) for the confusion. She said was looking at my ring and the jeweler hadn't touched it. The dizziness went way. Normal breathing resumed, well for the time being anyway.

I am going to get the rings tomorrow. I have no idea how this is going to turn out. No matter what the wedding band looks like, I will be taking my engagement ring home with me. I am still banking on the fact that the woman on the phone made a slip of the tongue, or that she had no idea what she was talking about, or that she has a mild form of Tourette's which caused her to say the most absurd thing that one human being has ever said to another.

Keep your fingers crossed.

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