What to do when you are home alone and a bird sits on the curtain rod of your partially opened porch door, inches away from being in your apartment
I recommend standing frozen like Hans Solo, and screaming progressively louder "OH S*#$! GO AWAY! GO AWAY! GO! OH, CRAP! GO AWAYYYY!" all the while forgetting that you are still talking to your best friend on your cell phone.
This works, because birds apparently understand English.